IFD: Breaking Free From the Cycle

Dr. Wayne Dyer didn’t pull this idea out of thin air.
He observed it — again and again — in people’s lives.
People who meant well. People who were trying. People who were desperate for something to finally feel right.

And that’s the trap of the I.F.D. loop:

Idealize

She tried to hold on to the dream…but it’s slipping.
And deep down, she knows — it’s not going to be what she hoped for.

It starts with a dream.
A new relationship, a new version of someone, a career pivot, a spiritual awakening.
You picture it in vivid detail — how good it will feel, how proud you’ll be, how free you’ll finally become.
You ignore red flags.
You tell yourself: “This is different.”
But it’s not.
You’ve just idealized the moment — and when you idealize, you lose sight of reality.

Frustrate

Then reality shows up — and it doesn’t match the dream.
Maybe that person didn’t change after all.
Maybe the new job feels exactly like the old one — just with better branding.
You start pushing harder.
Trying to make it work.
Trying to force the outcome to match the ideal.
The more you try, the more frustrated you become.

Demoralize

Eventually, you burn out.

Not just in your body — but in your spirit.
You start to wonder:

• How did I fall for this again?

• What’s wrong with me?

• Why can’t I get it right?

You don’t just doubt the situation.
You start doubting yourself.
That’s demoralization — that hollow sense that maybe you were never meant to feel okay in the first place.

Most people don’t even recognize they’re in a cycle.
They just blame themselves — and go right back to the beginning.
Dreaming, hoping, Idealizing all over again.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
— Albert Einstein

And yet… that’s exactly what this loop invites us to do.

Balanced Hope: Not Completing You, but Complementing You

After the crash of demoralization, the temptation is to leap back into the loop — to chase the next dream, the next person, the next rescue plan.

But real hope doesn’t live in fantasy.
It lives in clarity.

This is the part of your healing where you stop asking,
“What will finally make me whole?”
And start asking:
“What do I truly want, need, and value?”

It’s not about giving up hope.
It’s about refining it.

Reevaluate Before You Re-Enter

Before you rush back into anything that feels familiar, take inventory:

• What are you really looking for?

• Are you longing for a partner — or a parachute?

• Have you mistaken intensity for intimacy?

And most importantly:
Are you willing to stand whole — even if it means standing alone for a while?

You Were Never Incomplete

Culture taught us to believe the lie:

“You complete me.”

But the truth?

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
— Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

And just before that, in the same passage:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…”
— Jeremiah 1:5 (paraphrased, see also Psalm 139:13)

God didn’t create half-people searching for their missing piece.
He created whole beings — already known, already enough.

Icing on the Cake, Not the Cake

As Pastor Riley used to say so well:

“When you find the mate God has for you, they’ll be the icing on your cake… not the cake. You are the cake.”

You’re not waiting to be completed.
You’re learning to walk in completeness — so when love comes, it’s not a fix… it’s a gift.

The Illusion of Optimism (and Its Shadow)

Here’s something we don’t talk about enough:
Being overly optimistic can be just as dangerous as being pessimistic.

• Pessimism makes you give up before you start.

• Over-optimism tricks you into waiting around — as if good things will just fall into place.

Both lead to emotional passivity.
Both can keep you stuck.

If you’ve ever caught yourself drifting into fantasy —
the perfect partner,
the perfect future,
the tech-saved utopia straight out of The Singularity is Near —
you’re not alone.

There’s comfort in believing someone or something will come along and save us.
But comfort isn’t the same thing as healing.

Waiting for someday doesn’t stop pain from repeating itself today.

A Word of Caution on Optimism

Here’s where it gets sneaky.

Even when we think we’ve broken the pattern, our minds can play tricks.
We say, “This time is different.”
But if we’re not careful, that shiny new positive mental attitude might just be a well-dressed illusion —
crafted by the imagination
to pull us right back into the “I” phase of Idealizing… all over again.

It’s not that optimism is bad.
But optimism without discernment is just another fantasy.

Healing doesn’t live in fantasy.
Healing lives in truth.
In grounded, compassionate, present-moment truth.

Spiritual Growth — The Map Out of the Loop

If emotional pain is the smoke…
spiritual misalignment is often the fire.

It’s not just the pattern that hurts —
it’s how the pattern shapes your identity.
It convinces you that suffering is your destiny.
That you’re meant to endure.
That maybe peace and clarity are for other people.

But what if we told you…
this loop is measurable?
Not just metaphorically — but energetically?

Dr. David R. Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness

Dr. David R. Hawkins, a spiritual teacher and psychiatrist, created a scale of human consciousness that charts emotional states from low vibration (like shame, guilt, and fear) to high vibration (like love, peace, and enlightenment).

Let’s look at where the I.F.D. cycle often lives:

• Idealizing comes from Desire or Pride
  (“If I just try hard enough, I’ll finally be enough.”)

• Frustration rides on Anger or Fear
  (“Why isn’t this working? What if it never does?”)

• Demoralization lives in Grief, Apathy, or Shame
  (“Maybe I was never meant to be happy.”)

You don’t have to climb your way out.
You can rise —
not through force, but through stillness.

Stillness Is the Escape Hatch

“Make peace with silence, and remind yourself that it is in this space that you’ll come to remember your spirit…
When you’re able to transcend an aversion to silence, you’ll also transcend many other miseries.”
— Dr. Wayne Dyer

We live in a world addicted to doing.
Chasing. Scrolling. Proving.

But as Dr. Dyer often said:

“If life were about doing, we’d be called human doings. But we’re not. We’re human beings.”

And Lao Tzu echoes this ancient truth:

“When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.”

Stillness isn’t giving up.
It’s stepping back.
It’s letting truth rise, instead of you chasing it.

A Practice for Getting Off the Ride

Here’s your invitation:
Sit still and do nothing for 3 minutes a day.

• No music.

• No journaling.

• No fixing.

• Just being.

Notice the noise in your body.
Feel the temptation to get up.
Let it pass — and stay anyway.

That’s where the loop starts to dissolve.
Not by escaping it…
But by refusing to feed it.

Stillness is not weakness.
It’s sovereignty.

If This Is You…

If you recognize yourself in this cycle, you’re not weak.
You’re not foolish.
You’re waking up.

Stillness isn’t passive.
It’s powerful.
It’s the beginning of clarity — and healing.

Even sitting quietly for three minutes a day, hands over your heart, feeling your own breath without trying to fix anything…
It matters.

You don’t have to outrun the loop.
You just have to stop letting it decide who you are.

“Silence is a source of great strength.”
— Lao Tzu

✨ Ready for the Next Step?

If this resonated, we invite you to:

• Explore our Recommended Reading List for emotional healing and awakening.

• Download our free Breaking the Loop Reflection Guide to help you map your I.F.D. cycles and begin shifting them with compassion.

• Join us for deeper healing journeys inside The Gaslight Files Course Library.

You don’t have to ride the same loop forever.
You’re already reaching for something higher — by seeing it.

We’re right here with you.

And it begins here:
With clarity. With courage. With you.

They Don’t Get the Final Word — You Do

You are not too sensitive. You are not overreacting.
You are waking up to the truth — and the truth is yours now.

Let them rewrite their version.
Let them spin their story.

You are free to write your own.

And it begins here:
With clarity.
With courage.
With you.